February 2012
2 posts
it’s nice to know how easily replaced i am, when i push people away i don’t realize i’m doing it. i need someone who won’t let me do that.
i fuck everything up because i don’t fucking deserve anyone.
i won’t bother next time.
January 2012
10 posts
FUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKK
“I’m going to write about you tonight.”
– Him
falling for someone too fast :( please calm down, heart.
Diary entry.
Dear baby/babies,
You haven’t been born or made yet but I have always wanted and loved you.
I can’t wait to meet you, whenever that time may be!
I was born to be your mother and I hope I do a good job.
Lots of love from your mummy, aged 20 on the 9/11/211
Xxxxxxxxxxx
You’re beautiful.
Comparisons are easily done, once you've had a...
No matter how many parties I go to, no matter how much alcohol I drink, drugs I do, dates I go on, boys I date/kiss/have sex with, clothes I buy, places I go, music I listen to. I still go home to an empty, cold bed - wishing you didn’t fucking hate me now, wishing I could just be held one last time and watch you play your guitar.
I miss missing you sometimes, I miss hurting you til you cry. I miss watching you as you try not to end up begging ‘forever’
I dreamt about my ex last night, I still get sad about him time to time. I know I don’t love him any more but I still cry over him a few times a month. I used to cry because I missed the good times. Now I cry because I am so annoyed at how badly we ended and how fucking terrified I am to ever let anyone close enough to me to hurt me again. In the dream we got 10 black goldfish called...
You could be happy and I won’t know.
Everyone I love, goes away, in the end.
December 2011
3 posts
Hate liking someone, knowing I blew it by ‘playing hard to get’ TOO well. Ugh, I fuck everything up. I don’t deserve nice things.
I don’t remember ever feeling this content for such a long period of time. Hope admitting this doesn’t jinx it.
I cannot cry because it’s viewed as weakness in your eyes.
November 2011
1 post
“Developmental dyspraxia is an impairment or immaturity of the organisation of...”
– The Dyspraxia Foundation
October 2011
1 post
Had a lovely few weeks
I feel like a true Londoner now I have an Oyster card and an N7 postcode.
Been to a few parties and been around Zone 1 and 2 and mostly just working, relaxing at home or enjoying my young life as a 20 year old.
I visited Ipswich on Tuesday, it was so strange and surreal it felt like a dream. I was worried i’d see people I didn’t want to see or have to confront the ghosts of my past...
September 2011
14 posts
It would have been together for 3 years today.
I have nothing to say. I’m not sad, i’m not happy, i’m not angry i’m just relaxed.
Dream of Californication
I’m having a lovely weekend at home with my family.
I did some childminding yesterday which was so nice, I love the children and looks like I could get a part-time job out of that one. It has made me broody and their cat is so cute, I want a cat.
I have been chilling around at home today with my Mum, her fiancee, my sister, her boyfriend Ben and Hollie. Ben has invited us to the SoundCloud...
I’ll wait with good intentions.
After a lovely chilled weekend i’m inspired to write and read in bed, the past couple of nights instead of writing like I should be i’ve been speaking to someone on the phone/MSN like some sort of flirty teenage girl. It’s time to concentrate on making myself happy again before I can make someone else happy so it’s probably best I avoid doing that so frequently.
I’m...
“You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to...”
– Avril Lavigne - My Happy Ending
These lyrics pretty much sum up my break-up to a T.
“The only thing worse than being lonely is people KNOWING you’re lonely.”
– Joan - Misfits.
A collection of small thoughts from my diary.
I want to know what true love feels like.
I want to eat less junk food so I am a good influence to my future children, it’s a habit that needs to stop.
If I spend less time in my room listening to depressing music & more time out I will meet that person.
“Don’t go for second best baby, put your love to the test” ~ Madonna.
I wonder if Morrissey had any of my mental...
Entry from my diary on the 9th of September 2011
This entry will be a vain one.
It is rare that I am vain with the cocktail of social anxiety and insecurities I am constantly intoxicated on.
However my body looks great! Finally got it the way I want it. Nice and slim and toned in all the right places, my stomach and thighs are hard from walking up the stairs and around London so much but I still have boobs, big ass, big hips and curves....
Life has taken a turn for the better
Last night the boy I have the biggest crush on just randomly told me he likes me :)
It’s been such a long time since i’ve felt content and had butterflies in my stomach.
This month would have been me and Matthews 3 year anniversary, I won’t be sad. Just greatful of the time we spent together through the good and bad, he was my first long-term relationship and I will always...
A poem I wrote last night on the 8th of September...
My name is Poppy & I like shoes and attractive men.
Shoes & attractive men don’t like me.
They both hurt me and only make me feel good for a short while.
A list of baby names I made in July 2010 aged 19
These are not double barreled names but first and middle ones together. They are for my future children.
Imogen Eleanora (Eleanora after my sister and Imogen her name of choice for a child)
Nora Kate
Evie May
Alanna Maria
Lola Rose
Kymberly Anabella
Lottie Isabella
Anya Teresa (Teresa after my aunt)
Marina Jade
Lorna Chloe
Chloe Ella
Boys
Toby Alexander
Luke Thomas
Caelub Anthony...
3 tags
Entry from my diary. 8th September 2011
My sister Ellie has taken my passport to Bestival and I’m worried she will lose it or have it confiscated! BUT I’m glad Ben has gone with her to keep an eye on her and Edie in case anything goes wrong for them or they need something.
Will be looking forward to her return.
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