Dear baby/babies, You haven’t been born or made yet but I have always wanted and loved you. I can’t wait to meet you, whenever that time may be! I was born to be your mother and I hope I do a good job.
Lots of love from your mummy, aged 20 on the 9/11/211
Xxxxxxxxxxx
You’re beautiful.
No matter how many parties I go to, no matter how much alcohol I drink, drugs I do, dates I go on, boys I date/kiss/have sex with, clothes I buy, places I go, music I listen to. I still go home to an empty, cold bed - wishing you didn’t fucking hate me now, wishing I could just be held one last time and watch you play your guitar.
I miss missing you sometimes, I miss hurting you til you cry. I miss watching you as you try not to end up begging ‘forever’
I dreamt about my ex last night, I still get sad about him time to time. I know I don’t love him any more but I still cry over him a few times a month. I used to cry because I missed the good times. Now I cry because I am so annoyed at how badly we ended and how fucking terrified I am to ever let anyone close enough to me to hurt me again. In the dream we got 10 black goldfish called ‘Nice’ and 10 orange ones called ‘Mice’ Nice mice was an inside joke of ours. I think I had the dream because my rats went to another home the other day and I was thinking of how I won a goldfish at the fair and it lived at his place and it died and he didn’t bother telling me til a few days after. Ughhhhhhhhhh. That’s not as bad as giving our two beautiful pet ferrets away and not telling me about that either.
Hate liking someone, knowing I blew it by ‘playing hard to get’ TOO well. Ugh, I fuck everything up. I don’t deserve nice things.
